“We’re All Sad About Tom.”
(A Brief Explanation of Why Things Are F’ed Up and What We Can Do About It)
By C.A. Matthews
“We’re All Sad About Tom,” the announcement posted on the Burger King kitchen wall begins solemnly, “But going to his funeral won’t bring him back. No time-off will be given. Thx.”
This short, emotionally tone-deaf message neatly sums up all that is wrong, all that is heinous, all that is cruel and totally f’ed up in Western society, particularly the United States of America. And in its cruel depths lie the seeds of our redemption.
Who is “Tom”? Obviously Tom was a Burger King employee. Tom was a low-paid service worker in one of a million fast food restaurants that litter the planet. Tom has since passed away, but whether his demise was job related or not we don’t know. All we know for certain is that Tom will no longer be reporting to work.
This means one very important thing: the Burger King restaurant where Tom worked is now short an employee.
This means that the remaining employees will be forced to pick up the slack. Whether or not this means it will be a permanent or temporary shortage of employees for the restaurant is unclear, but the late Tom’s position at the time the announcement was written doesn’t appear to have been filled yet.
The next line clinches the employee shortage situation: “But going to his funeral won’t bring him back. No time-off will be given. Thx.”
If you’re confused about the meaning of that line, here’s a different translation...
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